On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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