He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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