Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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