I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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