He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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