I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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