Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
