Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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