i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
