I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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