I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
