I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize