Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
