Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
