My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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