I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
