Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
