My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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