It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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