i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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