He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
