Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
