i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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