I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize