I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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