drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
