just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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