***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cockslap morals
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
