Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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