Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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