I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My sheets look like a crime scene.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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