I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
