I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
