No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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