I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
