The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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