Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
