We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
