I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
