I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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