Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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