Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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