My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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