He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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