I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
