I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
