It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
