is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
