yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
