finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
