I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
