It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
