Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Semen is not good for contacts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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