i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
