lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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