Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
