dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we're making bets on your personal life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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