Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
