I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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