so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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