She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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