there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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