that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
