the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
