don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
