So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
