I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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