some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
