and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
