i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize