1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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