I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
