Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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