Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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