So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
