Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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